“I Just Wanna Be Happier” // A Found Poem

I had another post scheduled for today. It was a book review, and it would have been easier to do nothing and let it get posted. I’ll probably still post it, at some point, but it wasn’t right for today. Not when my life feels like it’s spinning out of control. Not when my heart aches and bleeds for the days when I was granted a reprieve from grief.

If you follow me on social media, you already know what I’m talking about. But, for those of you who only know me through this blog, my sweet dog, Sadie, went to the angels last Thursday. It was a really hard day for me, and I don’t think I’ve ever cried more over losing a pet. Sadie was my companion and sidekick for almost sixteen years. She walked with me through so many milestones, and it’s been painful to realize that she won’t be there in the background anymore.

I don’t really know how to talk about everything I’m feeling and thinking, so I decided to make a found poem instead. I hope you enjoy it. *heart hands*

What, what happens now?

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So many memories are on the floor:
Things I never ask for
Dancing through a dream underneath the stars.

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I no longer feel things I know I should
‘Cause time wasn’t in our favor.
But I’m writing it down, getting it out.

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Holding your hand under sapphire skies,
I don’t know what else I can do.
Stay here one more time.

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If I had my way,
Would you come fly to me?

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I am singing by myself:
“I tried a million times to let you go,
But I miss you, I’m sorry.”

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Now that you’re gone
The colors are different
And even when I close my eyes
You’re alive, you’re alive in my head.

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Poem title is from Blue & Grey by BTS.

Songs quoted in the poem: Hands by Orkid, Lonely by RM (explicit), Amygdala by Agust D, Welcome to Wonderland by Anson Seabra, Paralyzed by NF, See You Later (Ten Years) by Jenna Raine, Sad Songs by Illenium ft. Annika Wells (explicit), Till I’m Out of Stars by Landon Austin, Love is Gone by Dylan Mathew and SLANDER, Beautiful Remains by Beth Crowley, Winter Bear by V, Blue & Grey by BTS, I Miss You, I’m Sorry by Gracie Abrams, Coping by Rosie Darling, Bloodshot by Dove Cameron, Brush Fire by Gracie Abrams, and Marjorie by Taylor Swift.